ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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