Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
