he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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