Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
