he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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