I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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