i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
