I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
