I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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