when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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