1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You ever have a fart follow you around?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize