Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
