K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
