there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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