I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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