so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
