Just fell off a train. Bad.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
