now i know why i became what i already was.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
