I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
