I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
