I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Life is so much better after having sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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