Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
