I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
