lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
