it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
