Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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