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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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