Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
