Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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