In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
