i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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