Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
