Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize