remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
