ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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