ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
