No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
