Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
