don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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