oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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