a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
