I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
