You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
