I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
