I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
