how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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