he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
