i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
