my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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