she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
