my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
