There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I just put wine in my tea
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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