she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
