I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
