I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
