hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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