True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
