well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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