Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
