If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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