i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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