In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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