my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
