Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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