no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
