just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
