So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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