She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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