Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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