they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
