I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
