That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
