she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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