I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
