I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
